I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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