I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
