____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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