you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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