maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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