hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
