Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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