My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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