From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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