Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
