He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
