He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
