I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
