I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
