On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we should paint friendship bongs
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