I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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