I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
