Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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