I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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