I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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