You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
