Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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