hell yes lets make some ravioli
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
