he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
