fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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