Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
