All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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