Do you still have your period?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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