Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
