I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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