Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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