My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In America we eat man semen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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