Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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