so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
