i just wanna soil my oats bro
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
