The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
