he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
