I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
