She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
