Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
