Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Vodka?
Forever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
