he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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