i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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