How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
