No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
