I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
