If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
