Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
