My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
