I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
