the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we should paint friendship bongs
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