it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
