Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
