found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
